"GOOD DAY.” That was about as understandable as this scam email was going to get.

"GOOD DAY.”

That was about as understandable as this scam email was going to get.

“Having reviewed all the obstacles and problems surrounding the transfer of your (USD $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS and your inability to meet up with some charges levied against you due to the past transfer options, this office was instructed to pay your compensation inheritance and of $2.5 U.S.A Dollars by United nation security leading team and America representative embassy between now until end of October 2011 per day you will be receiving the sum of $10,000 Dollars that was how it was scheduled.”

I’ve left the punctuation the way it was in the email because I’m a fair man. First, I believe that people should receive credit for whatever education they did — or didn’t — apparently earn. And, second, I think that since I had a difficult time reading and understanding the email, you shouldn’t get off any easier.

A qualification

All right, I’ll admit that I can’t tell you for certain that this email was a scam. Somebody really might be trying to give me an inheritance of either “$2.5 MILLION DOLLARS” or “$2.5 U.S.A Dollars.” With my luck it will be the two-bucks-and-a-half.

But I’m kind of doubting that any money is coming my way.

One thing is for certain. Whoever sent this email to me lives in a different world than the rest of us, one where spelling and math skills seem to be optional.

“However be informes that we have made available the sum of $10,000 Dollars this morrning to avoid cancellation of your payment you have only four hours to email or call this office upon the receipt of this email, the maximum amount you will be receiving per day starting from today is $10,000 in three different payments and the Money Transfer Control Number of today has been made available for you to pick up through MONEY GRAM but MOST IMPORTANT: Due to the Amount involved, Financial Ministry mandated that before your first payment will be release, A Tax/Stamp Duty must be procured according to the New Finance Creed and the essesnce of such document is to ensure a hitch-free delivery and the amount is $255,” the email said and it continued, and continued, and continued.

I’m going to take a break here, partly because I don’t think you should be forced to read that long of a run-on sentence without resting, perhaps even taking a vacation.

But I also want to study how this money transfer adds up, which if I’m reading it right is four payments of $10,000, or a total of $40,000.

Where is the rest of my “(USD $2.5 MILLION DOLLARS”? Excuse the all caps. Remember, it was in the email. I’m not as angry as that much upper case makes it look.

No emotion

In fact, I’m not upset at all. I’m a little confused. You might be, too, when you read the rest of the email.

“Therefore reconfirm your current delivery address. So you are advice to send to this office your receiving information with the sum of $255 immediately, we will furnished you with the information of your first payment of $10,000 which was send this morning after two hours we receive the below informayion with the required fee. We also shall furnish you with the information which you will use to make the require payment as soon we confirm your readiness to receive your payment, therefore reconfirm the below information, RECEIVER NAME: COUNTRY: AGE: TELEPHONE: OCCUPATION: IDENTIFICATION: ”

I know what “informayion” the emailer wants. But, does anybody — even crooks — think I would send it to them when I can’t even understand enough to get greedy?

Advice to scam artists: Keep it simple or I won’t be stupid.

Contact Gary Brown at gary.brown@cantonrep.com.